To Don’t

Things never to do if you want your baby to sleep:

A number 2. They’ll wake up every time. Right in the middle of everything.

Flush.

Shower.

The Dishes.

Grown-up stuff that got those babies here in the first place.

Relaxing of any kind. The minute that TV show comes on you know baby is going to be up and ready to party.

Sleep. I’ve decided that when a parent’s head hits the pillow it’s like a sonic boom to babies. Their eyes fly open immediately because they think you’re supposed to stand guard at their door or some crap.

Exercise.

Get the sewing machine out.

Eat a meal (but cooking it is fine. They’ll let you cook that whole damn meal but don’t you dare eat it!).

Plan an outing that requires a nap.

Try to get one to not cry or to go back to sleep so they don’t wake up the other one.

Start a blog post. You’ll finish it with the baby in your lap (like now).

Think about them too hard. Just forget they’re up there because some psychic connection will trigger and they’ll need you. This one is especially potent if you think about how awesome your kids are and how much you love them. Stay away from cute pictures like this:

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Or this:

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I know, i know. What cute little faces!! Well those cute little faces are going to be awake soon and pissed that mom or dad thought too hard about them and woke them up. Just don’t do it!

What you should do if you want baby to sleep:

Sit quietly and worry that they’ll wake up.

Decide not to start a project because they’ll be up soon anyway (they’ll sleep for HOURS).

Plan an outing that requires them to wake up.

This PSA brought to you by: my kids. Waking me up at the crack of dawn since 2013.

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Going…

We found a house last week. It was a bit of a surprise since we were a little bit burned out and hadn’t found any that we really loved. Mike’s dad sent us a listing that had just come on the market a couple days earlier. We realized that it was amazing and if we didn’t move quickly we’d lose it. So that night Mike and my in-laws viewed it while I hung out at home with the kids, and a couple hours later an offer was in. The next day it was accepted and that was that. I was moving into a house I had never seen.

Last weekend I did actually go see it. The house is beautiful, the neighborhood is great, and I’m within ten minutes of TWO Targets. Two of them! I’m so happy! Good thing I trust my family’s judgement!

Today was the inspection and nothing crazy was found so looks like all things are a go for a closing the middle of next month.

And now the organizing and packing begins. I don’t really like to move. I find it tedious, but having a good plan in place helps keep my stress down. I don’t have the luxury of procrastinating or going with the flow on this move because two kids will suck up all of my time before I know it. So today I went and tackled an “easy” job. Clean out my drawers and closet. My aim was to check something off of my list and purge some things I know I’ll never use or wear.

Then I found a secret lair where Louie used to sleep and I forgot about. Turns out that he got fur all over some business clothes I was planning on selling and threw up on my boots. Since I didn’t wear boots for my whole pregnancy because I was too swollen I can only imagine how long that’s all been there. It’s fossilized.

Then I realized I have clothes I ordered online to send back, maternity clothes I borrowed that need to be returned, newborn diapers that Owen grew out of in like a month, and so on, and so on.

SO. Since to-do things were rapidly piling up I started making a list for the week. It’s currently on 20 things, and that’s only the bedrooms! I’m going to tackle those things when I can and make another list, then another. It’s already calmed my frazzled mind, actually. Having things written down in black and white makes me not have to remember to do them all and I can play with the kids for a few minutes and be focused on just them.

I can’t believe we’ll be moving in a little more than a month. I’m excited, nervous, and so happy to be closer to family. Let’s just hope I have hair at the end of this process.

Smoke

After a fabulous trip to the grocery store today I came home, played with the kids, fed them lunch and put them down for a nap. Both of them. Together. I thanked my lucky stars and decided to get a head start on dinner. Instead I got a head start on screwing up everyone’s nap.

First I went into the kitchen and started chopping up vegetables for a enchiladas. In the process I dropped a spoon, a cutting board, and dragged three pans out of the cupboard instead of the one pan I needed to get.

Adam, who already was showing signs that he didn’t want to go to bed, started to whimper. If he’s content but not going to sleep I leave him be, but he was crying so I went in to soothe him. I was met with “Mommy I awake!!”, and I new that this was going to be an uphill battle. I gave him a quick song, a kiss on his head, and told him to get some rest.

Then I came back downstairs and took the trash out. I’m assuming the door opening and closing woke up Owen because when I came back in he was crying. I went upstairs and nursed him to see if he would go back to sleep, but nope. Awake and angry.

Oh well, I can still get the vegetables roasting in the oven! I put Owen down to put them in, starting yet another screaming fit. Adam whimpered again on the monitor.

I picked Owen up to play with him while the food was in the oven. Nine minutes later when the timer went off I pulled the vegetables out of the oven and- oh no. Smoke billowed out everywhere. The veg was perfectly browned but I knew it was only a matter of time before:

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

At this point I was in beast mode. Upstairs to sweep away the smoke I went. Then, oh of course the smoke got to all of the alarms up here and they’re all going off at once. I go into Adam’s room (because he’s not sleeping anyway) to open the windows and turn around to see a terrified kid crying. Who can blame the poor thing. Totally tired and now there are alarms blaring in his room. He can’t stand loud noises lately so this was too much. I scooped him up and ran around opening windows assuring him that it’s just a loud noise buddy and we’re ok mommy just has to open up some windows no problem!!

Finally the alarms stopped and Adam and I had a deep conversation about what smoke is and what alarms are and where did that smoke come from mommy? The kitchen buddy. Mommy tried to get a head start on dinner and will never ever do that during nap time again. Never ever.

Adam is now coming up to me every two minutes and making me reassure him that the loud noise was only the alarms and everything is ok and the “moke” is gone. “You show me where moke is Mommy?”

So. I am not ahead on dinner. Both kids are awake. The smoke has not all cleared from my house. I need a drink.