Toddlers: They’re Gross

Scene: the Williamson living room, bedtime. All things are calm, clean, babies are so close to sleep I can taste it. Putting the kids to bed alone is going to be a piece of cake.

And then Owen threw up chocolate milk and tater tots onto my carpet (mere inches away from the hardwood where this would be a 5 minute clean-up operation) and my hopes of a couple solo hours before bed were dashed.

Scene: the Williamson kitchen, morning. All things once again calm and clean. I’m making a lovely lunch while the children play.

And then I hear splashing coming from the bathroom and find Owen going to town in a toilet that hasn’t been flushed. The child is placed¬†into a bathtub and vigorously scrubbed. Twice.

Scene: back to the Williamson living room. Lunch has been administered, and then I find that the chocolate milk stain on the carpet has come back up. So I’m down on the floor scrubbing it with a Little Green Clean Machine. I’ve gotten here by climbing up ladders, collecting parts of the machine, and then spilling the cleaning solution all over me and the laundry room. Yay more cleanup!

At the same time I’m answering questions coming out of Adam’s mouth faster than an auctioneer (Yes, buddy sometimes someone’s tummy gets upset and their food explodes out of their mouth. Yes, buddy, it’s gross.) I’m also elbowing Owen out of the way while he tries to covertly breach any and all off-limits areas. At one point he dove over my shoulder! The kid is diabolical.

I now have to clean an inch of muddy milk/water out of my machine.

The moral of this story? Just plastic wrap your whole house and install a drain so you can hose the place off. I’d say until they’re old enough to clean up after themselves but I know a mother of teenage boys that would argue for keeping it until they move out.

I’m going to go bleach myself now.

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