My Boys

So there’s this human I grew a while back. You might remember. He came along in April of 2013. And he’s incredible. To say that a little boy is blossoming out of this kid is an understatement. The little boy is exploding with the force of a thousand suns.

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He officially wants to fix everything. After we saw him doing this we bought him a tool set. He was so engrossed in it the first day that I asked him if he wanted to go bye-bye (his favorite thing in the world!), and he ignored me. Flat out didn’t even look up.

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The daredevil is coming out of him. While I was snapping this picture he swung the other leg over the couch and slid off. I think if I’d let him he’d climb over the back he would do that too. Mom is so not ready for that yet. I know it’s coming, but I’m going to delay it as long as humanly possible. So like, a month or two?

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He’s also my little helper. While I was sweeping the floor after dinner, Adam was desperate to get the broom. I gave him the smaller one, which only kept him busy until I was done with the big one. Then it was, MINE! All mine!! He played with that broom for a good 20 minutes, which let me clean up the food and start with the dishes. Done, and done.

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PB&J is routinely destroyed by my little man. Just the first in a growing list of foods that he eats without a fuss. A few nights this week we’ve sat down for dinner, offered him what we were eating, and he just eats it. Just like that.

And then, there’s this little one.

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How can someone not be born yet and still be so amazing? We’ve had a couple of ultrasounds now because I’ve bled a couple times (everything is still great!), and this little thing is just out of this world. Both times I’ve been able to see this second human that I’m growing moving around in there.

During the second ultrasound we had on Friday, the tech asked us if we wanted to find out what the sex was.

Uh yeah! Yes please tell us a month early! Go!

And so she did. We’re having a boy!! Mike and Adam were both there for the big reveal. I’ll keep his privacy private and won’t show you the very clear picture of peep that we have. But trust us, it’s a boy.

I am the mother of two sons. My boys. My wrestling, messy, chaotic future is set and I can’t wait to see it all.

Late Night Cuddles

I haven’t had much sleep the last couple of nights. On Sunday Adam woke up at 2am. He wasn’t upset or in pain or anything. He was just awake. I did my normal middle of the night routine: change his diaper in the dark, find his pacifier if needed, turn his white noise back on. Usually this works and boom, baby is asleep again. Not so much that night.

An excerpt from our conversation we had in the rocking chair.

“Mama!”

“Time to go to bed honey. Lay down.”

“Dada?”

“Daddy’s sleeping. Let’s go to sleep too.”

“Maaaaaaa!”

Now, while I think his goat impression is just stellar, I’d rather he practice during business hours when Mom has had more than three hours of sleep, or can at least caffeinate herself. He didn’t stop at goats either, oh no. Cows made an appearance, all sorts of animals that roar, you name it. After trying in vain to get him to lay down for over an hour, I brought him downstairs for a snack and a cuddle while we watched The Roosevelts documentary. (It’s pretty good. You should watch it if you haven’t.)

At about 4, with no end in sight to my child’s middle of the night alertness, I decided to just put him back in bed and wait him out. He did fall back to sleep, but it was 5am and I’d been awake for three hours. I collapsed on the couch, which is where Mike found me Monday morning.

Yesterday we were very tired. So of course, Adam woke up at 4. This time, he was wanting to go to sleep but wouldn’t let me leave him. We cuddled on the couch again until I thought he was asleep. Thought being the operative word here, because he was not asleep. When I put him down he started crying and calling to me, so to the guest bed we went. He cuddled up next to me and closed his eyes, and protested loudly when I got up to close the door. I was shocked at how easily he went to sleep, because normally being in bed with Mike or me makes him want to play. Luckily this night time visit only lasted an hour and a half and we slept in until past 9.

I should be wrecked today but I actually have a lot of energy. I think it’s the beautiful Fall day we’re having. It’s brisk, in the 60s, and I got to dress Adam and myself up in long sleeves and warm clothes. It’s my favorite season by far, so it always puts me in a good mood. I can’t wait to break out my favorite boots. Hopefully this pregnancy I won’t swell quite so much since I don’t have a commute, and I’ll actually be able to zip them up.

**Writing break to get Adam out of bed.**

I don’t know what the deal is. Adam only slept for an hour, after staying awake much longer this morning than usual. I’m going to go with some kind of physical/verbal growth spurt. He’s been talking up a storm today and his canines are looking mighty pointy under that skin. It’s probably a perfect storm of development.

If you’ll excuse me, a book was just produced and I’m now required by Mommy law to read it.

Not Forgetting

I’m pretty weepy today. I feel affected by the 9/11 anniversary more this year than past years and I’m not sure why. It could be that I’m thinking of my oldest nephew who is currently at basic training for the Army. It could be that it’s hit me that I’m going to have two kids in a post 9/11 world. Maybe my hormones are going crazy and they’re mixing with the somber mood of the day for a perfect storm of emotions. It’s probably all of those things.

The memory that sticks out in my mind the most was the ride home I took on the bus. I rode public transportation to and from my college, and that day there were three people on the bus, including me. The route the bus took normally consisted of passing three schools, so by the end of my ride I was usually squeezed in like a sardine and had to shove myself off the bus before the driver (who couldn’t see me) drove off. That day, though, all three of us sat near each other. There was an old lady, a middle aged man, and a college student. We were three people that probably would never talk to each other, but that day we chatted the whole way home. One of the good things to come out of that day, we united as a country like never before.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and for the last 13 years it’s been an odd combination of sad and happy. There’s always a bit of a cloud over my head but I do my best to not let it ruin my day. It’s something that isn’t going to go away, so I give today it’s due, then move on to sunnier skies.

Speaking of sunnier things: I went to the midwife today for a checkup. After last week’s scary stuff, I’ve been deemed totally healthy. I’m cleared for exercise, for carrying Adam, and for all things a normal pregnant lady can do. My midwife commented that the baby was moving around while she was trying to get the heartbeat, so it’s a great sign that all is well. We find out the sex in about five weeks, and it’s hit me that I’ll be about halfway done with this pregnancy when that happens. Where has the time gone?!?! I’ve also gained all of the weight back that I lost during my unpleasant episode, plus one pound. Woo hoo!!

We haven’t taken a picture of my belly since nine weeks, but I’ll start doing that soon now that I’m popping a little. I’ll try to post often, so everyone can share in my lovely big-bellyness to come. You’re welcome!

The Scariest Night Of My Life

*Note before you read: everyone is fantastic! I’m good, baby is good. We’re all good.*

Last night after I put Adam to bed, I cleaned up the living room and was about to start the kitchen. Of course being 12 weeks pregnant meant that I had to go to the bathroom for the gazillionth time. This was different though because I realized that I was bleeding. Bleeding hard enough that I knew this was not normal. 

After searching the house for the phone, only to realize it had in fact been on the bathroom sink right next to me, I called Mike and told him to get here now. Then I called my neighbor Lee Anne to come and sit with Adam until my in-laws could get here. 

The trip to the hospital seemed to take forever. It was only 30 minutes, but there isn’t really a conversation that you can have in a moment like that. So we were just quiet. And scared. Occasionally I would let myself think the worst was happening and I’d start crying, and Mike held my hand.

The stream of consciousness in my head refused to stop the entire time though. What am I going to tell everyone? Isn’t this the week when everything is supposed to be okay? My stomach actually popped out this week! There’s a little bump there! I can see it! Mostly though it was please be okay. Please please please just be okay. 

Everything was okay, but I didn’t know that then. I got admitted to the triage area of the Women’s hospital that I’ll be delivering at in March, and the nurse was able to find the heartbeat right away. I mean, like RIGHT away. She put the doppler wand on my stomach, pushed down, and there it was. A perfect 165 beats a minute from our perfect little fetus still kicking around in there.

Blood tests, urine tests, an ultrasound, an exam. All normal. They don’t really know why I was bleeding. It lasted about an hour and hasn’t been back since. My midwife told me to assume everything is normal unless something else happens, make sure to rest and hydrate, and then discharged me. Mike and I left the hospital in a happy and conversational mood. It was a full 180 from where we were a few hours earlier, and a world away from my worst fears of leaving there without a baby still growing in me. 

I don’t mind not knowing why I was bleeding, but it does keep it in the back of my head as a possible thing that could happen again. Even this morning I’ve found myself questioning everything. Did I wash those strawberries enough? Did wearing Adam hurt something? New probiotics. It was really hot at the park yesterday. Will I do something that I think is normal but actually was the cause of all this in the first place? I can’t know for sure, so I’ll keep going on with more rest and lots of water, but I’ll be very happy when I get some distance from last night. 

The silver lining of a three hour hospital stay? We got our first ultrasound of new baby. It even moved while we were looking at it. That’s right kid, just stay in there and wiggle around. We’ll see you in March. 

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