The Scariest Night Of My Life

*Note before you read: everyone is fantastic! I’m good, baby is good. We’re all good.*

Last night after I put Adam to bed, I cleaned up the living room and was about to start the kitchen. Of course being 12 weeks pregnant meant that I had to go to the bathroom for the gazillionth time. This was different though because I realized that I was bleeding. Bleeding hard enough that I knew this was not normal. 

After searching the house for the phone, only to realize it had in fact been on the bathroom sink right next to me, I called Mike and told him to get here now. Then I called my neighbor Lee Anne to come and sit with Adam until my in-laws could get here. 

The trip to the hospital seemed to take forever. It was only 30 minutes, but there isn’t really a conversation that you can have in a moment like that. So we were just quiet. And scared. Occasionally I would let myself think the worst was happening and I’d start crying, and Mike held my hand.

The stream of consciousness in my head refused to stop the entire time though. What am I going to tell everyone? Isn’t this the week when everything is supposed to be okay? My stomach actually popped out this week! There’s a little bump there! I can see it! Mostly though it was please be okay. Please please please just be okay. 

Everything was okay, but I didn’t know that then. I got admitted to the triage area of the Women’s hospital that I’ll be delivering at in March, and the nurse was able to find the heartbeat right away. I mean, like RIGHT away. She put the doppler wand on my stomach, pushed down, and there it was. A perfect 165 beats a minute from our perfect little fetus still kicking around in there.

Blood tests, urine tests, an ultrasound, an exam. All normal. They don’t really know why I was bleeding. It lasted about an hour and hasn’t been back since. My midwife told me to assume everything is normal unless something else happens, make sure to rest and hydrate, and then discharged me. Mike and I left the hospital in a happy and conversational mood. It was a full 180 from where we were a few hours earlier, and a world away from my worst fears of leaving there without a baby still growing in me. 

I don’t mind not knowing why I was bleeding, but it does keep it in the back of my head as a possible thing that could happen again. Even this morning I’ve found myself questioning everything. Did I wash those strawberries enough? Did wearing Adam hurt something? New probiotics. It was really hot at the park yesterday. Will I do something that I think is normal but actually was the cause of all this in the first place? I can’t know for sure, so I’ll keep going on with more rest and lots of water, but I’ll be very happy when I get some distance from last night. 

The silver lining of a three hour hospital stay? We got our first ultrasound of new baby. It even moved while we were looking at it. That’s right kid, just stay in there and wiggle around. We’ll see you in March. 

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One thought on “The Scariest Night Of My Life

  1. Pingback: Not Forgetting | The Wild Williamsons

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