Not Forgetting

I’m pretty weepy today. I feel affected by the 9/11 anniversary more this year than past years and I’m not sure why. It could be that I’m thinking of my oldest nephew who is currently at basic training for the Army. It could be that it’s hit me that I’m going to have two kids in a post 9/11 world. Maybe my hormones are going crazy and they’re mixing with the somber mood of the day for a perfect storm of emotions. It’s probably all of those things.

The memory that sticks out in my mind the most was the ride home I took on the bus. I rode public transportation to and from my college, and that day there were three people on the bus, including me. The route the bus took normally consisted of passing three schools, so by the end of my ride I was usually squeezed in like a sardine and had to shove myself off the bus before the driver (who couldn’t see me) drove off. That day, though, all three of us sat near each other. There was an old lady, a middle aged man, and a college student. We were three people that probably would never talk to each other, but that day we chatted the whole way home. One of the good things to come out of that day, we united as a country like never before.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and for the last 13 years it’s been an odd combination of sad and happy. There’s always a bit of a cloud over my head but I do my best to not let it ruin my day. It’s something that isn’t going to go away, so I give today it’s due, then move on to sunnier skies.

Speaking of sunnier things: I went to the midwife today for a checkup. After last week’s scary stuff, I’ve been deemed totally healthy. I’m cleared for exercise, for carrying Adam, and for all things a normal pregnant lady can do. My midwife commented that the baby was moving around while she was trying to get the heartbeat, so it’s a great sign that all is well. We find out the sex in about five weeks, and it’s hit me that I’ll be about halfway done with this pregnancy when that happens. Where has the time gone?!?! I’ve also gained all of the weight back that I lost during my unpleasant episode, plus one pound. Woo hoo!!

We haven’t taken a picture of my belly since nine weeks, but I’ll start doing that soon now that I’m popping a little. I’ll try to post often, so everyone can share in my lovely big-bellyness to come. You’re welcome!

The Scariest Night Of My Life

*Note before you read: everyone is fantastic! I’m good, baby is good. We’re all good.*

Last night after I put Adam to bed, I cleaned up the living room and was about to start the kitchen. Of course being 12 weeks pregnant meant that I had to go to the bathroom for the gazillionth time. This was different though because I realized that I was bleeding. Bleeding hard enough that I knew this was not normal. 

After searching the house for the phone, only to realize it had in fact been on the bathroom sink right next to me, I called Mike and told him to get here now. Then I called my neighbor Lee Anne to come and sit with Adam until my in-laws could get here. 

The trip to the hospital seemed to take forever. It was only 30 minutes, but there isn’t really a conversation that you can have in a moment like that. So we were just quiet. And scared. Occasionally I would let myself think the worst was happening and I’d start crying, and Mike held my hand.

The stream of consciousness in my head refused to stop the entire time though. What am I going to tell everyone? Isn’t this the week when everything is supposed to be okay? My stomach actually popped out this week! There’s a little bump there! I can see it! Mostly though it was please be okay. Please please please just be okay. 

Everything was okay, but I didn’t know that then. I got admitted to the triage area of the Women’s hospital that I’ll be delivering at in March, and the nurse was able to find the heartbeat right away. I mean, like RIGHT away. She put the doppler wand on my stomach, pushed down, and there it was. A perfect 165 beats a minute from our perfect little fetus still kicking around in there.

Blood tests, urine tests, an ultrasound, an exam. All normal. They don’t really know why I was bleeding. It lasted about an hour and hasn’t been back since. My midwife told me to assume everything is normal unless something else happens, make sure to rest and hydrate, and then discharged me. Mike and I left the hospital in a happy and conversational mood. It was a full 180 from where we were a few hours earlier, and a world away from my worst fears of leaving there without a baby still growing in me. 

I don’t mind not knowing why I was bleeding, but it does keep it in the back of my head as a possible thing that could happen again. Even this morning I’ve found myself questioning everything. Did I wash those strawberries enough? Did wearing Adam hurt something? New probiotics. It was really hot at the park yesterday. Will I do something that I think is normal but actually was the cause of all this in the first place? I can’t know for sure, so I’ll keep going on with more rest and lots of water, but I’ll be very happy when I get some distance from last night. 

The silver lining of a three hour hospital stay? We got our first ultrasound of new baby. It even moved while we were looking at it. That’s right kid, just stay in there and wiggle around. We’ll see you in March. 

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The Ugly Cry And The Perfect Day

A couple days ago Mike told me that my birthday present was a trip to the beach next week. So of course I promptly made an appointment to have hair ripped from my body. I spent the morning at an uber swanky spa that was surprisingly affordable and came home utterly relaxed.

Adam had slept the whole time I was gone and it allowed Mike to get a bunch of stuff done, including to my delight, cleaning the kitchen! As I walked into my room to deposit my winter clothes scored at wicked Labor Day prices, I noticed it. A package sitting on my bed. Last week I bought a few cloth diapers but those had already come in the mail. I had no clue what it was until I saw the return address. 

TULA. It was a Tula. 

“What is this?!?!?!” I shrieked to Mike. “Oh my gosh it’s a TULLLLAAAAAA!!!!” At this point I was ripping the package open because my most coveted baby carrier in the world was somehow inexplicably on my bed. And it was addressed to me! I finally got through two of those postal service envelopes and what fell out? Spotted Love. 

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Isn’t she beautiful? 

Oh wait I should explain why at this point I was sobbing and clutching this baby carrier to my chest as if I had just won the lottery. Because I had just won the lottery. Tulas are a well-made, comfortable, crazy cute carrier that I have never heard a bad word about. I’ve wanted one for as long as I’ve known they existed, but couldn’t justify having one since I’ve already acquired a nice stack of wraps and carriers already. I was even considering selling one of them to fund a Tula. Not only do I not have to do that now, but the note that came in the package made everything 100 times more wonderful. 

Dear Tricia,

We decided to get your dream carrier because we love you and you deserve to enjoy the moments of holding your little ones close. 

Love, Mary, Xochitl, Frankie, Sarah, Jennifer, and Natalie

Six of my best friends from high school had gotten together and bought me the carrier. Well needless to say there were a couple of phone calls where my ugly cry made it impossible to speak, so I decided to just write my thank you to them before I passed out. 

I finally caught my breath and relaxed a little bit and Mike asks me, “Don’t you want to try it on?” Oh yeah!!!

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Like a glove. 

After lunch we were planning to go to a Farmer’s Fair down the road from our house and it became the perfect way to try out the carrier. I wore Adam for a little while and it was very comfortable, but the temperature was really high and it was very humid so we switched to a more airy backpack type carrier. I got a good picture though! 

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Adam just wanted to see the vroom vroom. 

Having this carrier in my possession just solidifies my incredible love of baby wearing. The joy I’ve gotten from carrying Adam close to me is hard to describe, but it’s given me moments like this:

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And it’s made me swoon over Mike time and time again: 

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Even my family has gotten in on the love: 

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I’ll wear Adam until he’s physically too big to carry or he only wants to go in the stroller (he loves the stroller too!). I’ll wear the new baby just as long. I’ll even put one on my back and one on my front. I’ll hold my kids close for as long as I possibly can. 

To everyone who got me the Tula, and to everyone who got me my Ergo while I was pregnant with Adam, and to everyone who gave me money for my birthday and Christmas that helped me buy my wraps: rest assured that it was money well spent. There’s a lot of love shared in these baby carriers, and a lot more still to come. 

That Was Unpleasant

Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man. Yesterday was. Whew! A day. 

I have no idea what caused me to get sick. I don’t think it was dinner because Mike is fine, and I’m not sure about a bug because Adam is fine also. But something happened and I couldn’t keep anything down for the entire day. Bread, crackers, even a sip of water sent me running to the bathroom. It was even kind enough to wake Mike and I up at 5am to kick things off. 

Let’s just say, I’m MORE than happy that it was just me and not the baby too. I was basically down for the count all day yesterday and Adam was an angel. Every time I had to run to the bathroom Adam would bring me presents and set them next to me on the floor. He wasn’t scared at whatever was coming out of me, but seemed kind of fascinated actually. So far I’ve only been sick due to morning sickness a couple times, so he hasn’t really been exposed to it. Well, he saw it plenty of times yesterday that’s for sure. 

Since I’ve lost so much weight due to morning sickness, I keep track of it just about every day. Yesterday morning I was almost back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I had one measly pound to go! Then, the unpleasantness happened. This morning I was down five full pounds. Almost six. Needless to say I will be working on replenishing my body’s much needed hydration today. I have successfully had half a glass of water and a few tidbits of food so far today with (fingers crossed!) no consequences. Progress!

So I guess it was a 24 hour thing? Who knows. I’m just glad that it’s over and my baby did not wake up vomiting everywhere. I can handle a lot of things, but throw up just isn’t one of them. Stay healthy baby. Mama says so!

All Systems Normal

Today was the kind of perfect day that you wish for all summer. There was a beautiful breeze, the sky was mostly clear with gorgeous puffy cumulus clouds on the horizon, and it was maybe 80 degrees. It was cool enough that when I went to the store I was able to wrap Adam on my back for the first time in quite a while. And, let me tell you. I miss wrapping Adam So. MUCH. 

Since all of the unpleasantness with my stomach started five weeks ago, it’s been a very tough to get him up. I get nauseous, I sweat, and I end up wrapping him too loose or too low and my back hurts by the time I’m done shopping. So into the cart he went, instead of snuggling with me and laying his head down on my back while we shop. He did that today, and it made me so happy that I bought him a present: pajamas with elephants, monkeys, and fire trucks. I mean, two of his favorite animals and a vroom vroom?!?! This kid is going to never want to take these pjs off!

Mike and I think Adam misses being wrapped too. There were a couple of weeks where he didn’t sleep well and was very restless. He wasn’t sick, hasn’t cut any teeth, and since Mike started to wrap him more after work he’s gone back to sleeping all night. Needless to say, I’m very glad that I’m feeling better and could give my Peanut some much needed cuddles. 

The reason I’m feeling better? Zantac, the miracle acid reducing pill. I take it every night before bed and it keeps everything settled so I can, you know, eat. My midwife is a beautiful human being for telling me to take it and I will continue doing so until my second trimester so my aversions don’t come back. 

Other than a couple of pounds I need to put back on, I really do feel a lot better lately. I’m cooking again, eating (with some really fun and weird food cravings emerging), and I’m back to sleeping through the night. The casserole dish was brought out for the second time in two weeks so I could make shepherd’s pie (yum!!). Last week it was enchiladas that I very nearly ate by myself. Mike got two, but only because I specifically saved them and told him to eat them. Because I’m a good wife. 

On the baby front, our little bun in the oven is growing well and starting to make my belly stick out. According to my weekly pregnancy calendar, it’s the size of a small lemon. I don’t know how much longer my normal shorts will fit but if I can make it to the fall I’ll be happy. I don’t want to buy any maternity shorts just to wear them for a few weeks. If the cool weather this week is any indication, Fall might come a little early and save me. 

Aaaand there’s the timer telling me I can dig into a giant casserole that might (MIGHT) last a couple of days. I mean, I’m still down two pounds! How else am I going to get them back?

 

 

My Gas Baby And The Pregnant Lady Grumps

As I write this I’m 8 weeks pregnant, although since we haven’t told most people I’ll be saving it to publish later. I want to document everything I can so I can share the experience with friends and family who don’t live close to me.

A few local people know already (my best friend, my play group, and my in-laws). For my side of the family I want to tell them when we have our Fantasy Football draft on the 23rd (18 horribly long days away!). But all I want to do when I talk to one of them is shout to the rooftops that baby number two is on its way!!! It’s funny because the last time I was home I was five months pregnant with Adam, and this time when we go in late October I’ll be four months pregnant. Apparently I only go home when I get knocked up.

Other than really close due dates, this pregnancy has been drastically different than the last one. The first couple of weeks I craved every food there was on the planet. One day I had a craving for Chipotle, Indian food, Zaxby’s, and Italian. Then, as if to play a cruel, cruel joke, I hit week six and morning sickness hit me. BIG TIME.

There is no food that sounds appetizing. Nothing that I can look at and not gag a little. I’m so hungry though! This has created a particularly heinous brand of pregnant rage. I’m grumpy because I’m hungry and in pain and I’m tired and bloated and GET AWAY ARGGHHHH!! Adam is really the only human I can handle being in the same room with sometimes.

Last time I could eat basically anything except ranch dressing. I would vomit occasionally and be totally fine afterward, but I never had the aversion to all food like I do this time. (Note: I know I’m going to get a thousand people saying “maybe it’s a giiiiirrrlll!!!”. Maybe it is, maybe it’s another boy. They’re all different! My sister had the exact same pregnancy twice and ended up with a boy and a girl. End of pregnant lady rant.)

All of this eating-to-survive has left me a couple of pounds lighter. The beautiful gas baby that exploded the minute I got pregnant has dissipated. I had to break out the prego clothes a couple of times but this week I can actually button my shorts. That’s not to say I don’t still wear my insanely comfortable maternity skirt every chance I get. What? It’s comfy!!

There have been a couple good days lately where I can actually get food down, and it makes a world of difference. This morning, for instance, I was feeling really gross and barely ate anything. This meant I was super tired and didn’t want to clean the house even though it desperately needed it. I made breakfast for dinner, though, and after a nice filling egg, bacon, and cheese bagel I went into crazy cleaning lady mode. I got the laundry, dishes, and baby cleaned all after 5pm tonight.

Of course there are still dishes in the kitchen because they were so piled up that they didn’t all fit in the dishwasher. I tried to clean them. I so tried! But after Adam went to bed I put the laundry away and cleaned up all of the non-dishes in the kitchen, and cleaned off the table and Adam’s high chair, and just couldn’t make myself do anymore. It’s 9:15 after all and I’m beat. I’ll get it tomorrow morning while Adam is eating breakfast.

So that’s what’s going on so far. Hungry. Tired. Angry. Your basic first trimester trifecta. Hopefully I can get it all under control and the nausea stops sooner rather then later. Last time it lasted until 13 weeks. We’ll see I guess!

 

*Update* I’m still down 4 pounds even though every day has been a little better. I also told my family a week and a half before the draft, because we heard a heartbeat and I didn’t want to wait!

That’s My Boy

It’s already been mentioned once or twice that Adam looks a tad like me. The eyes, the light hair and little button nose do resemble photos I have from when I was a toddler.

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I don’t know. You be the judge.

Other than the family resemblance though, there are a couple of things he does that I feel resemble me in all my dorkitude.

First, the unnatural pull to the TV. He loves it, will sit still in front of it for a long time, give me one of those looks when his show is over that says, “I’m not ready for it to be over make it happen again!”

And I know (I know!) TV for babies is the devil and it’ll rot his brain and blah, blah I get it. Which brings me to similarity number two: he loves to read. Better than TV right? I’ll find him siting on a pile of books in the corner going from page to page and looking at the pictures. I think it’s only a matter of time before I lose track of him for an hour or so and find him in his room reading a chapter book that he can’t put down. Yes, my mom frequently wondered where the heck I was and found me doing exactly that.

This afternoon I asked him if he wanted to read a book and his little face lit up immediately. He ran over to the couch to get settled while I picked out a book, then sat on my lap and made animal noises and turned pages for me while I read about bunnies and ducklings and elephants. After I was done, he signed “again” and I started over at the beginning of the book. He didn’t care about the narration so much this time. Just the pictures and the turning of the pages. Seriously, he MUST turn the pages!

After reading time I fed him lunch and, after downing an entire PB&J, he was ready to play! Until now his personality hasn’t really resembled Mike or me. he likes to vroom vroom his cars, run from Mom and Dad while we chase him, and as he’s gotten older has been just the sweetest kid. Today while we were playing a little quirky, goofy boy came out and it was like looking into a tiny mirror. He was being so silly! He made funny faces at me, and when I laughed he lapped it up and kept going. He jumped up onto the couch with me and thought it was hysterical to collapse backwards and put his feet in my face. We giggled and cuddled and made faces at each other for a good 30 minutes. It was so fun to see his personality come out a little more.

Now don’t get me wrong, this could totally be a Mike thing too! I guess I haven’t asked his parents enough questions about his personality as a kid. But it’s me too. Oh man we’re in for some fun if Mike was as weird as I was as a kid. It’s all good though. My boy can let his freak flag fly if that’s how he’s made. Also, a big shout out to The Big Bang Theory and all other geeky pop-culture for making this totes okay! I wonder if we can surprise him one day with a trip to Comic Con or something!

*A little note to end this because it has nothing to do with our similarities. Adam has found the food love of his life: string cheese. It is his favorite thing in the world. The love is so deep that he recognizes and freaks out over the sound of the wrapper coming off! I also have to monitor him closely because he’s been known to put half the stick in his mouth and pretend that it’s all gone so he can get more! The other day he chose cheese over a Ding Dong. Chocolate! So not like his mom.*