Seriously Hormones? Seriously??

So…I’ve been a bit-weepy the last day or so.

It started last night when Mike and I were ready to put Adam to bed. Our lovely baby has been one big angry ball of tantrum the last couple of days. The tiniest things set him off and when he’s cranky the last thing he wants to see is my boring face trying to calm him down. So he runs to Mike.

I’m totally cool with that too, despite what I’m about to write!

Mike was taking him upstairs because he had flat out run to him and wouldn’t let go. I always try to act normally during tantrums, so I did what I normally do and asked for a goodnight kiss and a bye-bye. It only set him off more so the last thing I saw as Mike whisked him upstairs was a scrunched up screeching face. I retreated to the bathroom for a quick sob before I started my evening chores of dishes and cleaning the living room. Then sat feeling sorry for myself and choking back more outbursts when Mike came down having successfully calmed the baby to bed.

It’s not hard to notice my puffy crying face, so Mike asked me what was wrong and let me weep all over his chest. He gently reminded me that Adam had been bringing me books to read all night and climbing into my lap, and that he was most certainly not rejecting his mother (crazy pregnant lady).

An early bedtime was in order after that, and I ended up getting out of bed before sunrise. I sat in the quiet house, reading the news while I drank some tea. Two successive articles made me cry, so I knew that whatever was making me a mess was not out of my system. This probably should have been a clue for me not to leave the house and go into public, but I sure did.

And not only was it in public, it was to visit my favorite cloth diaper store on it’s last day of business! What was I thinking?!?!

This is not some ordinary cloth diaper store. This is like, the go-to place for all natural-minded women in Greensboro. Anything you need can be found there. A baby wearing club that I belong to meets there once a month, I took my natural birthing class in the classrooms upstairs. It’s a special place.

When I walked in the owner was literally selling the empty shelves to a customer. That made it all the more real to me. I found some awesome newborn diapers that snap down to let the umbilical cord heal and debated over a cute elephant canvas that was also being sold. I ended up with diapers and prenatal vitamins and headed to the front of the store to pay.

The way it happened was crazy! I was totally normal and chatting and smiling. Then it came time to take my bag and say goodbye, when my eye caught a sign in the hallway for Peaceful Beginnings (the natural birthing class company). I tried to tell the owner good luck and thanks for being here when I dissolved into heaving tears, trying to explain my hormonal state and apologizing for the crying while simultaneously trying to wish her well and backing out of the store before I further embarrassed myself. I think I ended with “Goo lug to you buh-bye.” (sniff! sniff! sniff!) I didn’t really see much of her face, but the glimpse that I did see had a mix of pity? Surprise? Horror? I don’t know. Maybe all three. Because a prego lady with a baby strapped to her back had cried over the going out of business of her favorite cloth diaper store!

Gah! Why did I leave the house in my weepy state!! *slams head on desk with great drama*

I guess if I want to not cry in public anymore I’ll have to stay at home until baby comes. Then I’ll have to stay at home until I’m over the birthing weepies. Then I’ll have to stay at home until I’m done with breastfeeding hormones.

Well forget that. Just don’t mind the lady walking down the street with all of the tears and the blubbering. It’s just some hormones.

He’s Going To Be A Soccer Player…

At 12 weeks I saw his little foot move. It was a huge relief, since I was sitting in the hospital ER at the time.

At 15 weeks he was kicking and moving around when we found out his sex.

At 18 weeks the tech had to chase him around as he flip flopped all over my uterus, until the exact point that she wanted to see the backside of his heart. Then he decided it was sleepy time and had to be jiggled around. I’m sure he loved that.

Today (18w, 4d), he’s been dancing around all evening in a fantastic rolling motion. What’s even cooler is that I have a somewhat good idea of what body parts I’m feeling, since a nice little diagram was drawn for me after the ultrasound. For the record, he’s laying on his left side with his head to the right of my belly button. His butt is laying on my hip (well that explains a lot), and his feet are curled on the bottom of my belly.

Unless something happens again, I won’t have another ultrasound. The next time I see our little dude he’ll be in my arms. I’m cool with that though, because feeling him moving around is all the proof I need that my little potato sized baby (hereby known as Tater) is in there and doing awesome.

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Say hi Tater!!

5 inches and 8 ounces. A fully formed human with fingers, toes, eyelids, and a lot of fattening up to do.

Speaking of fully formed humans, Adam and Mike played in the rain a couple of days ago and it melted my hormonal heart into a puddle of goo.

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Say hi Peanut!

30 1/2 inches, 20 pounds of skinny deliciousness. Saying more words than I can keep up with and blowing my mind daily with his loving squeezes and toddler mood swings. Also the eating with utensils thing. I didn’t think it would be such a big change, but it really is! I see all of the baby in him disappearing and my little helper emerging.

Also, here’s the obligatory baby-bump’s-a-growin’ picture.

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I think this will be the last time I wear that shirt. The print is screaming pretty loud there.

And how’s Mike doing you ask?

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Awesome, as usual. Living life, being amazing. Same old, same old.

Kid Free Weekend

Scene: My dining room, last weekend

Mike (to his parents): Soooo… How would you like to have Adam over next weekend?

Mike’s Parents: Sure! (because they love our little tornado even if he is exhausting)

And so this weekend we got some free time to do some wild and crazy things, like leave the bathroom door open and set our hot tea on the end table. Wild you guys!

Friday night we finally decided on and bought a color for Adam’s new big brother room. He’s moving down the hall into the bigger room, and the nursery will stay the nursery for a little while longer. We’re not going to paint in there but there will be some other colors brought in so I don’t feel like our little one is getting the short end of the stick on the decorations. Although I suppose he should get used to it because nearly every piece of clothing he’s going to wear for the rest of his life will be hand-me-downs from his big brother. It’s the life of the younger kids right?

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We went through four different colors before deciding on the top right color (Haven, super fancy). I insisted on samples this time because when we painted the nursery the color ended up being a little bit too much for me. I feel like it could have been softer.

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So we got to work after a very appropriate painting party dinner, pizza. I must say we worked very well together! I taped the low stuff and did some edging while Mike used the roller, I used the roller while Mike edged the ceiling. Team Williamson was out in full force. A couple hours later we were almost done.

Like we had this much left:

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Like two more feet of wall and then we’d be DONE. I was working in an area past the drop cloth and got a giant blob of paint on the carpet. After a few f-bombs and a lot of panicking, I managed to make the small blob and even bigger and now rubbed into the carpet mess.

Enter the internet. I love the internet. In less than five minutes I found a tutorial on how to get latex paint out of carpet (vinegar! who knew!!). So I got most of it out but if you look hard enough you can probably see where I was blotting for a good ten minutes. And then I gave myself a break because this is going to be a little boy’s room. That tiny spot is the least of my worries.

After the blob incident, we finished the tiny part of the wall, took off the edge tape and ta-dah!!!

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Pretty green room for the big brother! We’re going to add blue curtains and paint his dresser the same color. Mike found a green, blue, wood scheme in a paint catalog and it’s adorable and also will grow with him so it’s not a ‘baby’ room. I love it.

After cleaning up and going to bed at midnight, we thought we’d increase the exhaustion by spending the day at Ikea. Oh yeah, the furniture Mecca was calling to us. We don’t go often enough because it’s about an hour and a half away and we aren’t willing to make the trek with Adam. And after how tired we were after our trip, I’d say that’s a good idea.

I’m pretty sure Ikea should change it’s motto to: Ikea, the black hole where you lose all track of time and don’t realize the sun has gone down.

We did get some good stuff though! A new tableware set for eight people, a full length mirror for our bathroom that sits close to the wall because Adam kept trying to crush himself with our old framed one, and the cutest big kid chair for Adam.

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It looks like a real chair but the seat is higher so he doesn’t need a booster seat. He already wants to sit in our chairs and we get the feeling that his high chair is quickly becoming an annoyance for him. So he gets to join the big kids and make way for little brother (again, sorry son but you’re the youngest so, hand-me-down city for you).

After our trip we decided to get some food before the ride home, but it was becoming very clear that I had overworked myself and didn’t eat or drink nearly enough. My head was killing me and the old familiar nausea of morning sickness had returned. When trying to figure out what to eat just talking about different restaurants make my stomach turn, so Mike got the task of choosing. He settled on Carraba’s, which turned out to be an excellent choice.

When we got there, Mike begged some bread from the hostess so I could work on getting my stomach in order. After we sat down Mike got some amazing tomato soup that I happily dipped the bread in and tried to feel better. I didn’t get better though. I took a trip to the bathroom to expel everything I had eaten thus far. Did I mention said bathroom had people in every other stall? Yep, it sure was full of people listening to me throw up in public.

Oh well, at least I look pregnant now so nobody is going to think I’m diseased or something. I went to the sink afterward where a woman was trying not to look directly at me lest she let me know that she knew what I was doing. I dabbed my watery eyes and cleaned up my face, then tried to make small talk with a nice lady and her toddler. I’ll tell you what though, sometimes you just need to throw up when you’re sick so you feel better. And I did!

I had an amazing salad and a lot more of Mike’s tomato soup and it really hit the spot. My headache calmed, my stomach stopped turning and I felt a ton better. I still went straight to bed to watch TV though when we got home, and I fell asleep so quickly that I don’t remember falling asleep.

This morning Mike and I vowed to do nothing before Adam gets home. So of course we put Adam’s chair together and I’m writing while Mike is doing the dishes. Maybe not nothing, but not running around killing ourselves either. Ikea was totally worth it though. A trip to Ikea will always be worth it.

My Boys

So there’s this human I grew a while back. You might remember. He came along in April of 2013. And he’s incredible. To say that a little boy is blossoming out of this kid is an understatement. The little boy is exploding with the force of a thousand suns.

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He officially wants to fix everything. After we saw him doing this we bought him a tool set. He was so engrossed in it the first day that I asked him if he wanted to go bye-bye (his favorite thing in the world!), and he ignored me. Flat out didn’t even look up.

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The daredevil is coming out of him. While I was snapping this picture he swung the other leg over the couch and slid off. I think if I’d let him he’d climb over the back he would do that too. Mom is so not ready for that yet. I know it’s coming, but I’m going to delay it as long as humanly possible. So like, a month or two?

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He’s also my little helper. While I was sweeping the floor after dinner, Adam was desperate to get the broom. I gave him the smaller one, which only kept him busy until I was done with the big one. Then it was, MINE! All mine!! He played with that broom for a good 20 minutes, which let me clean up the food and start with the dishes. Done, and done.

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PB&J is routinely destroyed by my little man. Just the first in a growing list of foods that he eats without a fuss. A few nights this week we’ve sat down for dinner, offered him what we were eating, and he just eats it. Just like that.

And then, there’s this little one.

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How can someone not be born yet and still be so amazing? We’ve had a couple of ultrasounds now because I’ve bled a couple times (everything is still great!), and this little thing is just out of this world. Both times I’ve been able to see this second human that I’m growing moving around in there.

During the second ultrasound we had on Friday, the tech asked us if we wanted to find out what the sex was.

Uh yeah! Yes please tell us a month early! Go!

And so she did. We’re having a boy!! Mike and Adam were both there for the big reveal. I’ll keep his privacy private and won’t show you the very clear picture of peep that we have. But trust us, it’s a boy.

I am the mother of two sons. My boys. My wrestling, messy, chaotic future is set and I can’t wait to see it all.

Late Night Cuddles

I haven’t had much sleep the last couple of nights. On Sunday Adam woke up at 2am. He wasn’t upset or in pain or anything. He was just awake. I did my normal middle of the night routine: change his diaper in the dark, find his pacifier if needed, turn his white noise back on. Usually this works and boom, baby is asleep again. Not so much that night.

An excerpt from our conversation we had in the rocking chair.

“Mama!”

“Time to go to bed honey. Lay down.”

“Dada?”

“Daddy’s sleeping. Let’s go to sleep too.”

“Maaaaaaa!”

Now, while I think his goat impression is just stellar, I’d rather he practice during business hours when Mom has had more than three hours of sleep, or can at least caffeinate herself. He didn’t stop at goats either, oh no. Cows made an appearance, all sorts of animals that roar, you name it. After trying in vain to get him to lay down for over an hour, I brought him downstairs for a snack and a cuddle while we watched The Roosevelts documentary. (It’s pretty good. You should watch it if you haven’t.)

At about 4, with no end in sight to my child’s middle of the night alertness, I decided to just put him back in bed and wait him out. He did fall back to sleep, but it was 5am and I’d been awake for three hours. I collapsed on the couch, which is where Mike found me Monday morning.

Yesterday we were very tired. So of course, Adam woke up at 4. This time, he was wanting to go to sleep but wouldn’t let me leave him. We cuddled on the couch again until I thought he was asleep. Thought being the operative word here, because he was not asleep. When I put him down he started crying and calling to me, so to the guest bed we went. He cuddled up next to me and closed his eyes, and protested loudly when I got up to close the door. I was shocked at how easily he went to sleep, because normally being in bed with Mike or me makes him want to play. Luckily this night time visit only lasted an hour and a half and we slept in until past 9.

I should be wrecked today but I actually have a lot of energy. I think it’s the beautiful Fall day we’re having. It’s brisk, in the 60s, and I got to dress Adam and myself up in long sleeves and warm clothes. It’s my favorite season by far, so it always puts me in a good mood. I can’t wait to break out my favorite boots. Hopefully this pregnancy I won’t swell quite so much since I don’t have a commute, and I’ll actually be able to zip them up.

**Writing break to get Adam out of bed.**

I don’t know what the deal is. Adam only slept for an hour, after staying awake much longer this morning than usual. I’m going to go with some kind of physical/verbal growth spurt. He’s been talking up a storm today and his canines are looking mighty pointy under that skin. It’s probably a perfect storm of development.

If you’ll excuse me, a book was just produced and I’m now required by Mommy law to read it.

Not Forgetting

I’m pretty weepy today. I feel affected by the 9/11 anniversary more this year than past years and I’m not sure why. It could be that I’m thinking of my oldest nephew who is currently at basic training for the Army. It could be that it’s hit me that I’m going to have two kids in a post 9/11 world. Maybe my hormones are going crazy and they’re mixing with the somber mood of the day for a perfect storm of emotions. It’s probably all of those things.

The memory that sticks out in my mind the most was the ride home I took on the bus. I rode public transportation to and from my college, and that day there were three people on the bus, including me. The route the bus took normally consisted of passing three schools, so by the end of my ride I was usually squeezed in like a sardine and had to shove myself off the bus before the driver (who couldn’t see me) drove off. That day, though, all three of us sat near each other. There was an old lady, a middle aged man, and a college student. We were three people that probably would never talk to each other, but that day we chatted the whole way home. One of the good things to come out of that day, we united as a country like never before.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and for the last 13 years it’s been an odd combination of sad and happy. There’s always a bit of a cloud over my head but I do my best to not let it ruin my day. It’s something that isn’t going to go away, so I give today it’s due, then move on to sunnier skies.

Speaking of sunnier things: I went to the midwife today for a checkup. After last week’s scary stuff, I’ve been deemed totally healthy. I’m cleared for exercise, for carrying Adam, and for all things a normal pregnant lady can do. My midwife commented that the baby was moving around while she was trying to get the heartbeat, so it’s a great sign that all is well. We find out the sex in about five weeks, and it’s hit me that I’ll be about halfway done with this pregnancy when that happens. Where has the time gone?!?! I’ve also gained all of the weight back that I lost during my unpleasant episode, plus one pound. Woo hoo!!

We haven’t taken a picture of my belly since nine weeks, but I’ll start doing that soon now that I’m popping a little. I’ll try to post often, so everyone can share in my lovely big-bellyness to come. You’re welcome!

The Scariest Night Of My Life

*Note before you read: everyone is fantastic! I’m good, baby is good. We’re all good.*

Last night after I put Adam to bed, I cleaned up the living room and was about to start the kitchen. Of course being 12 weeks pregnant meant that I had to go to the bathroom for the gazillionth time. This was different though because I realized that I was bleeding. Bleeding hard enough that I knew this was not normal. 

After searching the house for the phone, only to realize it had in fact been on the bathroom sink right next to me, I called Mike and told him to get here now. Then I called my neighbor Lee Anne to come and sit with Adam until my in-laws could get here. 

The trip to the hospital seemed to take forever. It was only 30 minutes, but there isn’t really a conversation that you can have in a moment like that. So we were just quiet. And scared. Occasionally I would let myself think the worst was happening and I’d start crying, and Mike held my hand.

The stream of consciousness in my head refused to stop the entire time though. What am I going to tell everyone? Isn’t this the week when everything is supposed to be okay? My stomach actually popped out this week! There’s a little bump there! I can see it! Mostly though it was please be okay. Please please please just be okay. 

Everything was okay, but I didn’t know that then. I got admitted to the triage area of the Women’s hospital that I’ll be delivering at in March, and the nurse was able to find the heartbeat right away. I mean, like RIGHT away. She put the doppler wand on my stomach, pushed down, and there it was. A perfect 165 beats a minute from our perfect little fetus still kicking around in there.

Blood tests, urine tests, an ultrasound, an exam. All normal. They don’t really know why I was bleeding. It lasted about an hour and hasn’t been back since. My midwife told me to assume everything is normal unless something else happens, make sure to rest and hydrate, and then discharged me. Mike and I left the hospital in a happy and conversational mood. It was a full 180 from where we were a few hours earlier, and a world away from my worst fears of leaving there without a baby still growing in me. 

I don’t mind not knowing why I was bleeding, but it does keep it in the back of my head as a possible thing that could happen again. Even this morning I’ve found myself questioning everything. Did I wash those strawberries enough? Did wearing Adam hurt something? New probiotics. It was really hot at the park yesterday. Will I do something that I think is normal but actually was the cause of all this in the first place? I can’t know for sure, so I’ll keep going on with more rest and lots of water, but I’ll be very happy when I get some distance from last night. 

The silver lining of a three hour hospital stay? We got our first ultrasound of new baby. It even moved while we were looking at it. That’s right kid, just stay in there and wiggle around. We’ll see you in March. 

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